American Crapfest

By Kathy G.

Remember An American Carol -- the "satirical" "comedy" made by David Zucker that's an Americanized wingnut version of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol? The one about a Michael Moore-type filmmaker who's trying to ban the Fourth of July, and is visited by three ghosts, including those of George Washington and General Patton, who try to get him to change his ee-vil liberal ways?

Sure you do! Well, it opened in theaters across the country yesterday. Only it, um, wasn't screened in advance for critics. Gee, I wonder why that is?

But today the reviews are in, and the critics have spoken -- loudly. The overwhelming consensus? It's just as gigantic a steaming pile of shit as we knew it would be!

Here are some excerpts from the reviews:

"Jaw-droppingly awful . . . about as not-funny as a comedy can get . . . 1 star (out of 4)"
-- Philadelphia Inquirer

"No laughs to be found in Zucker's pathetic parody"
-- Salt Lake City Tribune

"Astonishingly inept alleged satire . . . [This] movie’s level of political discourse makes Couric/Palin look like Frost/Nixon."
-- LA Weekly

"[A] conservative crapfest . . . The film’s laugh quotient is near zero. I laughed harder at Munich . . . Zucker goes for the cheap and obvious in every frame and it’s numbing . . . [An] uninspired miscarriage of cinema.
-- Ain't It Cool News

"[A] mirthless conservative rally guised as an update on Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas tale, [it] hits a new low. Zucker espouses not goodwill toward all, but shrill pouting in 85 interminable minutes roasting filmmaker Michael Moore. . . Anvil-like subtlety."
-- Boston Herald

"There wasn't a single audience member laughing at my screening, no matter what their political persuasion . . .Cinema at its foulest."
-- News Blaze

"A near-total absence of laughs. Audiences will be mostly stone-faced, though it's a pretty good bet that Moore will be laughing his ass off somewhere . . . Bottom Line: Proves once and for all that Democrats are simply funnier."
--   Hollywood Reporter

User rating of 3.8/10, IMDB.com

"It is hard to believe that a comedy as singularly inept and downright unfunny a An American Carol came from one of the three minds behind one of the funniest comedies of all time, Airplane![...], and harder yet to believe that it somehow weaseled its way onto 1,600+ screens this weekend. But here it is, as witless and tactless as anything 2008 has offered up to date, and in a year where the wonder duo that is Friedberg and Seltzer has shat out not one, but two similarly dreadful offerings, that's saying a lot.

"Poor slapstick, obvious fat jokes and cheap homophobia (the 'those butch lesbians aren't guys after all!' routine is right up there with 'that fat lady's not pregnant after all!' in the So-Called Hilarity Hall of Fame)."
-- Cinematical

"I can't imagine anyone -- Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative, red-state or blue-state, earthling or E.T. -- finding An American Carol anything other than 'not funny.' And idiotic. And demeaning. And aggressively, persistently crummy . . . Bad enough to earn a rare spot on my hallowed list of 'The Worst Movies I've Ever Seen.'"
-- Miami Herald

"This hamfisted, haranguing film."
-- Newsday

"It's a mean little red-meat mess of a movie, pandering of the most cynical kind . . . 1 star (out of 5)"
-- Orlando Sentinel 

"Monumental filmmaking gracelessness and disingenuous intent . . .  undermined by the staleness of the target and the unnerving idiocy of the writing . . . trainwreck . . . This lousy, hopeless movie, easily one of the worst films of the year . . . Grade: F."
-- Brian Orndorf

"When once-Democratic director David Zucker (2006's "Scary Movie 4") reportedly switched party lines a few years ago, he also must have gone through a full lobotomy. How else to explain how one of the masters of the slapstick genre—a guy responsible for two of the best comedies of all time, 1980's "Airplane!" and 1988's "The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!"—is now no more than a talentless, unambitious hack who wouldn't know the meanings of irreverence and comic timing if they walked up and kicked him in the face?

"All that this viewer could do . . . is cringe. There isn't a laugh to be earned in all 83 minutes—not one. . . Abysmal . .  This clunky, rhythmless, wit-deficient disaster . . . has the wrong touch every step of the way. 1/2 star (out of 4)"
-- The Movieboy

Reviews in major papers such as The New York Times, the Washington Post, and the Chicago Tribune were just as bad, but I didn't link to them because they weren't as quotable.

As big a stinker as this film is, though, don't be surprised if it makes (a little) money. The budget was low, and it's being heavily promoted on Fox News and on right-wing websites and talk radio shows.

UPDATE: See the update to this post here.

Comments

[Brian Schmidt]

BoxOfficeMojo gives it $730/theater for Friday. That's very bad for opening weekend - it'll go nowhere; politically it's not going to be a good time for a conservative DVD release next year; and no overseas market.

Excellent chance that they'll lose money on this stinker.

[Auguste]

the "those butch lesbians aren't guys after all!" routine is right up there with 'that fat lady's not pregnant after all!' in the So-Called Hilarity Hall of Fame

For some reason this line reminded me of a cartoon I saw earlier while looking through the New Yorker encyclopedia of cartoons; the punchline was "That was no gentleman, that was my wife!"

It came from 1926. Haven't we moved on yet?

[bargal20]

This is the kicker: David Zucker believed in health care for the poor, fair pay, the bill of rights,etc,equality for gays, etc, etc...But 9/11 changed his mind on all of that.

Amazing what a couple of hijacked jets will do to a guy.

[chicago dyke]

if this loses money, it'll be hard to get the money and greenlighting for another project of similar bent. it's not like i think film critics are politically enlightened literarti, so much as a herd much like politicians, slave to what they perceive as fashion and zeitgeist. the conservative brand has become tired and 'yesterday' to the media producers; it's not selling like it used to and the definition of media consumerism is that they are always changing the icons and themes, the better to stimulate sales. zucker must be a True Believer not to perceive that very few people want to consume dated 911-era propaganda.

[trifecta]

The production budget was about $20,000,000.

It's going to make $3,200,000 million or so this week-end. That will be about 40% of total revenue.

There will be no overseas theater or DVD sales of this crapfest. It needs to sell quite a few DVDs to be profitable. Maybe a cable channel will purchase rights, but i doubt they pay much of anything. Break even is the very best they can hope for here.

[Matt Weiner]

Here's my favorite illustration of how politically astute David Zucker is:

In the version of the film screened for this story, Gary Coleman camoed in said scene as a car-washing plantation slave who calls out to an off-camera colleague named Barack. When asked about the reference, Zucker, who co-wrote the film with Myrna Sokoloff and Lewis Friedman, revealed it will be left on the cutting room floor.

"It was the one thing I didn't think I could defend," said Zucker. "It's because of certain things that I know about Barack Obama. I would have left it in if he had really believed war was not the answer, but I've read that he said he was only against the Iraq war and he supports the Afghanistan war, unlike Michael Moore, who says he's against all wars."

(http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iS1pTfvCscM2RAQDIghZT-LIltIAD93IHRF80)

Why yes, Barack Obama supports the Afghanistan war, as did every flipping Democrat in Congress at the time except for Barbara Lee. Zucker just noticed that.

[Tim O]

K Lo is married?!? It's nice to think that there is someone for everyone.

[Alan]

No. K-Lo isn't married. She's quoting an email from a married correspondent. Her heart still belongs to the Mitt-ster.

[John D.]

The reviews that comment along the lines of "how sad it is to see one of the writers/directors of Airplane reduced to this level of hackdom" might want to take another look at Airplane. I know I did: As a not very bright or discriminating kid, I saw that film several times during its initial run in the cinemas, and loved it for its lowbrow humor. A couple of years back, it happened to be on tv one dreary Saturday afternoon, and out of a sense of nostalgia, I tuned in for about 10 minutes or so...which was all I could stand before I had to turn the channel. Oh, man. Talk about your desperately unfunny pieces of shit.

It was hardly the first instance of something that I'd enjoyed in my childhood not translating very well into my adult years, but even so, I could not believe how bad it was. Stupid, unfunny, crashingly obvious, about as subtle as a brick through a plate glass window, and utterly witless. With Amerikan KKKarol, it looks like Zucker has simply discovered a newfound sense of meanness to go along with the above "qualities". Well, good for him. I hope it bombs and destroys his career.

[John D.]

By contrast, I think Mel Brooks' wacky film parodies from the 70's all stand up pretty well; I saw some of his Silent Movie again on late night tv just recently, and found it to still be an enjoyable film.

[Kathy G.]

John D., that's interesting, because I had the opposite experience. I had fond memories of Airplane!, but hadn't seen it in ages. A few years ago, I stumbled across it on TV and watched it again. I thought it was thoroughly delightful and held up incredibly well. Sure, it's completely silly in that "we'll do anything and everything for a laugh" kind of way, but that's part of what I love about it. I thought it was still pretty damn funny.

And btw, Woody Allen, who knows from comedy, agrees. I ran across this interview he did very recently, where he singles out Airplane! as a very funny film that he has "a soft spot" for:
http://tinyurl.com/4s9pad

I remain extremely fond of Airplane!, which is one of the reasons I find the spectacle of An American Carol so sad. David Zucker, it didn't have to end this way!

Brian and trifecta, I'm happy to hear that, contrary to my predictions, the film is tanking. When the weekend box office figures are out I'll post something noting that encouraging result.

[kew]

If you're an "Airplane" fan -- or even not -- you should check out "Zero Hour," the '50s film "Airplane" is a parody of. It's supposed to be serious, but it's pretty damn funny in its own right. The plot is virtually same, and even some of the "Airplane" dialogue is lifted straight from the original Arthur Hailey script. Dana Andrews plays Ted Stryker in the original. Also, instead of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as the co-pilot, the '50s version has Crazy Legs Hirsch. Seriously. It's so bad it's good.

[kew]

If you're an "Airplane" fan -- or even not -- you should check out "Zero Hour," the '50s film "Airplane" is a parody of. It's supposed to be serious, but it's pretty damn funny in its own right. The plot is virtually same, and even some of the "Airplane" dialogue is lifted straight from the original Arthur Hailey script. Dana Andrews plays Ted Stryker in the original. Also, instead of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as the co-pilot, the '50s version has Crazy Legs Hirsch. Seriously. It's so bad it's good.

[Susan of Texas]

No doubt many DVD copies of the movie will be bought up by generous patrons and handed out free to conservative churches, political groups and private schools.

But their insidious plot might backfire--how can they cry victim when they have a "best-selling" movie taking the country by storm?

[parsec]

Yes, Susan, to make a go of this they'll have to buy in bulk with some of that billionaire nutjob cash.

Just from the trailers you can see that they get off on the wrong foot by ascribing a desire to get rid of the 4th of July to a Michael Moore character. The real Michael Moore knows that Independence Day celebrates a document which tells the world its citizens' rights are not the gift of a monarchy and its government is derived from the consent of the governed. It is a peoples' holiday. And through his TV shows and movies he has given a voice to people who otherwise never would be heard.

So it fails from the start.

[Greg]

Part of the problem is its target. Say what you will about Michael Moore, he chooses his targets--a powerful CEO (Roger & Me), large corporations (The Big One), Bowling for Columbine (scare-tactics media and the NRA), Fahrenheit 9/11 (the President, the Vice President), and Sicko (the entire health insurance industry). He's always the guy taking on the system, and one gets the impression that if an independent wandered into the screening room, they might enjoy the movie overall.

So Zucker & co. make a movie about...Michael Moore. And who cares? Who's obsessed with Michael Moore beyond the fringe right? He's not the most powerful person on the left. In order to do what Moore does, you'd have to go after genuinely powerful figures/*industries* on the left while still being funny and potentially appealing to independents. And since there *aren't* really any left-wing industries, right-wing complaints about the media notwithstanding, as soon as one decides to target Moore, the battle's lost. "Michael Moore Hates America" never even found a distributor. "Celsius 9/11" didn't play beyond a few fringe festivals. I think there were a couple of other anti-Moore movies that didn't go anywhere. In other words, Moore's a proven box office success; anti-Moore films are proven failures.

[Sir Charles]

Okay -- so which is the better line: "this movies level of political discourse makes Couric/Palin look like Frost/Nixon" or "I laughed harder at Munich."

I was sickened yesterday to hear Kurt Andersen give Zucker a sympathetic hearing on Studio 360 -- Zucker was pathetic.

Can't wait until Zucker teams up with Ron Silver and Dennis Miller to make the definitive 9/11 made me crazy and unfunny movie.

I still think Airplane is pretty high-larious.

[pseudonymous in nc]

Excellent chance that they'll lose money on this stinker.

True, but by the magic of Hollywood accounting, the losses may well be paid out of the profits of more worthy films.

Still, it does make the point that right-wingers whine that Hollywood is all liberals, all the time, then don't bother supporting conservative Hollywood. Because it's shit.

[Thursday]

Bear in mind that the instant this hits video, its numbers will go through the roof, and for the exact same reason why "Bestseller" lists have little daggers beside half the titles: mass purchases of 100 or more by a single anonymous individual.

This movie's going to create more landfill than E.T. game cartridges.

[Mysticdog]

"Billy, do you like gladiator movies?" still makes me laugh everytime I think of it, and for that reason alone I will always treasure Airplane!

[protected static]

"And since there *aren't* really any left-wing industries, right-wing complaints about the media notwithstanding"

The wingers also tend to go on about 'the abortion industry' - good luck making a comedy about that one.

[alyosha]

I saw the trailer for this film a few weeks ago, and was shocked. Wondered how it would do - I guess it lived up to my expectations.