My Maureen Dowd story

By Kathy G.

I have an interesting tale to relate about Maureen Dowd. It involves an experience a friend of mine had with her. I'll get to it in a bit, but first I wanted to make some comments about Maureen's latest bout of asshattery: her column on l'affaire "Bittergate."

This episode has already been dealt with admirably by Bob Somerby, Digby, and Whiskey Fire's Molly Ivors, but I also have something to add.

Dowd tells us that although she herself is from working class stock (and has the bowling trophy to prove it), neither she nor her family have ever been "bitter." The implication is that whatever economic hardships the Dowd clan faced, they didn't react to them with an unseemly resentment. Well guess what? There's a very good reason for that. It's called the New Deal.

Modo grew up in a 1950s America that is very different from the America we live in today. The America of the postwar era enjoyed unprecedented levels of economic equality  -- "The Great Compression," as economic historians call it. There was considerably more economic mobility. Union density was at a record high, which is a big reason why working class jobs were far more secure than they are today, and far more likely to come with good health insurance, decent pensions, and other benefits that are increasingly becoming a thing of the past. Maureen's dad, whom I believe was a cop, most likely had one of these good union-type jobs.

Now, far be it from me to romanticize the 1950s. As Paul Krugman once said in a talk I heard, the 50s may have had a lot more economic equality, but it was also the era of "sexism, racism, and really bad coffee." And no matter what period of history we're talking about, life is rarely easy for those on the lower rungs of the income ladder.

But still -- in the postwar era, times were relatively good for the white working class. If the white working class wasn't bitter, it was because, compared to now, they had little reason to be. But now, 50 years later, after Reaganomics, the "ownership society," and decades worth of economic policies that have grotesquely inflated the power of corporations and the wealthy and made life increasingly difficult for everyone else -- well, now is a different story.

But there's another problem with the opening sentence of the Dowd column. "I'm not bitter." Oh Maureen -- who the hell do you think you're kidding? The woman positively soaks in bitterness. Marinates in it. It oozes out of her pen and pours into just about every damn word she writes. Her bitterness has utterly corroded her soul. It's turned her into a twisted freak whose chief pleasure in life seems lie in vicious, barking-mad attacks on the only people capable of ending our long national nightmare  -- the Democrats. Seriously, if there is any other single person in the media who's been a more powerful enabler of Republican high crimes and misdemeanors than Modo, I don't know who it is.

No, Maureen's not bitter. Yes, and Miss Havisham reacted to being jilted at the altar with remarkable equanimity.

Also, Norma Desmond responded to the regrettable decline of her film career with naught but a philosophical shrug. 

There's always been a weirdly gendered quality to Dowd's bitterness. The main, and indeed often the only, point of nearly every column she writes is that male Democrats are girly men and female Democrats are castrating bee-yotches. It's antifeminist, to be sure, but it goes waaaay beyond that into some warped, dark psychosexual realm of its own. Somerby calls her a "gender nut," which is as good a term for it as any, I suppose.

It may be the case that Dowd's bitterness stems from her never having been married. While it's true that most people who never marry seem to live happy and productive lives nevertheless, Modo apparently has never gotten over her spinsterdom. In fact, she wrote an entire book eviscerating feminism, more or less because feminism failed to provide Maureen Dowd with an adequate supply of appropriate dates. Bitter much, Modo?

I actually have some theories about why Modo has never married, in spite of her oft-expressed desire to do so. One of them relates to my story about her, but I'll save that for last.

Anyway, Maureen's theory of why she has never married is that her success and intelligence threatens men. In her book Dowd wrote about a Broadway producer who

gave me a lecture on the price of female success that was anything but sweet. He had wanted to ask me out ... but nixed the idea because my job made me too intimidating - men, he explained, prefer women who are malleable and awed. He predicted I would never find a mate.

I think the reaction of most normal women to something like that would be to think, "Christ, what an asshole! Glad I dodged that one," and move on. But Modo, strangely, seemed to regret being passed over by the jerk. Maybe that's because she seems to be exclusively attracted to high-status men in the media and entertainment industries. She had a (rumored) affair with Howell Raines, former editor of the New York Times, and also dated Aaron Sorkin and Michael Douglas. In fact, Michael Douglas allegedly dumped her for Catherine Zeta Jones (which, admittedly, would be enough to make any woman bitter).

My point in mentioning this is that rather than feminism, a far likelier cause for Modo's singleness seems to be her dating pool. Among high-status men in the media and entertainment industries, there is a disproportionate number of shallow assholes. And if you date shallow assholes, don't be surprised when he acts like, well, shallow assholes. By doing things like insulting you to your face for not being stupid and docile enough. Or trading you in for a prettier, decades-younger model.

But don't expect Maureen Dowd to have the self-knowledge to understand anything like that. That she could unironically write the sentence "I'm not bitter" is proof positive that she has precious little self-knowledge whatsoever.

Now we come, at last, to my little Modo story. Eight or nine or ten years ago, someone fixed up Modo with a friend of mine (whom I'll call "X.").  It was at a dinner with a number of other people, but Modo and X were seated next to each other and it was fairly clear this was a set-up. Now this in itself is hilarious, because it is such an epic, world-historic case of wretched matchmaking skills. If you knew X. you would instantly realize what a disaster-in-the-making this set-up had to have have been.

Now, let me say a few things about X. He is without a doubt one of my favorite people in the whole world. Besides being a loyal, kind, and a total mensch, he is brilliant -- probably one of the two or three best minds I've ever had the pleasure to know. He's always reading something interesting. He'll habitually come up with insights about politics and the world that are fresh, original, and not infrequently profound. He's a gifted storyteller as well. Does fascinating work in the world. An all-round great guy and one of my all-time favorite people to have dinner with.

A couple of other things about him: he loathes gossip. If you try to dish the dirt, it's pretty clear he's not comfortable with that kind of conversation. Also, his attitudes about sex are a tad Puritanical. He's not a prude, exactly, but he does exhibit a certain decorum where sexual subjects are concerned. I've noticed that when I'm around him, I tend to button up my usual foul-mouthed tendencies and go easy on the four-letter words. And honestly, the only other people I do this around are my parents.

Okay, you got all that? Good.

So how did it go? X. told me that, the whole night, all Maureen could talk about was which women Bill Clinton was sleeping with. Literally. "Do you think he's having an affair with B.? I think he is. But maybe they did and it's over now and he's moved onto someone else. Ya think? Maybe he's messing around with C. -- she seems more his type. I'd bet he'd love to have an affair with D., but I'm not sure she'd fool around with a married man." And on and on and on and on and ON in this vein. The whole night long. X tried to engage her on other topics. The world, after all, is full of a number of things: Books. Movies. Theater. Travel. Music. Food. And how about, not what Bill Clinton was doing with his penis, but what he was doing with his policies?

But alas, in spite of my friend's ministrations, he could not get the lady off Topic A.

Suffice it to say, it was a long night.

And to make the horror complete -- Chris Matthews was also at this dinner.

Now, this story is illustrative of quite a few things about Modo, none of them flattering. First of all, there are her social skills. X. is clearly not comfortable with gossip and sex talk. Now, I have really shitty social skills -- I'd rank them as maybe a notch above those of your average high-functioning person with autism. But even I picked up fairly early on in my friendship with X. that gossip and sex talk were not his thing. And even I know that it's pretty Social Graces 101 that if someone -- a new acquaintance especially -- is clearly not comfortable with certain topics, you move on until you happen upon a subject that's mutually agreeable.

Maybe Dowd's utter social cluelessness is more responsible for her never finding a husband than feminism is. Ya think?

Ultimately, though, I think this story is tragic. Here Maureen Dowd was, sitting across the table from this Totally. Fucking. Amazing. Person. Yet she could make no human connection with him. She did not get to know him at all. Because all she could talk about all night long was Bill Clinton's cock.

Ponder that the next time you stumble across a Maureen Dowd column and enter her sick, sad world. And think about what it means that this woman has risen to the very pinnacle of the journalistic profession in America.

UPDATE: I did a follow-up post answering some of the questions people have had about this story. You can find it here.

Comments

[arbitrista]

Great post. Kathy, you have very quickly become one of my favorite bloggers.

[Bloix]

Kathy, your "about me" tells us that you're a grad student in Chicago. We have to amend that now to say that you're a grad student in Chicago who has friends who go to dinners with the likes of Maureen Dowd and Chris Matthews.

[AmIDreaming]

Second that. The more technical discussions are great, too. I don't remember who it was who came back from Eschacon and said, "Read this blog!" Whoever it was, thanks. You were right.

[asl]

Wow, such a great blog...if you're into sophomoric tabloid stuff. (but I'm sure your friend is teh awesomest).

[jen flowers]

When I'm asked why I'm now single, I simply, honestly say, "High expectations, low social skills."

[jen flowers]

When I'm asked why I'm now single, I simply, honestly say, "High expectations, low social skills."

[Kathy G.]

Thanks for stopping by, Maureen! (Aka asl).

And sincerely thanks to the rest of you for your kind thoughts.

[Pale Rider]

That was the best read I've had in ages.

Thank you for this post, thank you for working at it, and thank you for the insight.

All you can add to that is "when are they going to realize that (The NYTimes) they are LOSING money hand over fist and perhaps--just perhaps--some of the dead weight can be cut loose.

Who would quit reading the NYTimes if MoDo wasn't in there? Who?

Who's that pathetic, for crying out loud?

[bobbo]

Beautiful stuff.

[Sir Charles]

As a fellow MoDo loather I salute you.

http://www.cogitamusblog.com/2008/01/please-god---no.html

Forgive the blogwhoring, but I had written about Maureen's "special kind of bitterness" back in January -- before bitter became the word de jour.

Anyway yours is a great, great piece.

You just got added to my favorites list.

[AJ]

Eh, the Miss Havisham comparison is spot on. In fact, I also made it a year ago defending John Edwards from some MoDo hack piece last year. I certainly don't think one needs out be married to be happy in life, but I can't help picturing her clacking out her columns wearing a dusty old wedding dress or a forty year old cheerleader's outfit.

[jamey]

Please tell me you're kidding. Was this post dated 4/1, and just got lost in the shuffle. You're a much better writer than this, G. I mean. fuck Dowd. But a screed-length manifesto on why Maureen Dowd's world is asunder because she couldn't land the right man? Kinda cheap.

Ew. I'm actually defending Dowd. I feel so dirty.

[markg8]

"In fact, Michael Douglas allegedly dumped her for Catherine Zeta Jones (which, admittedly, would be enough to make any woman bitter)."

I don't get this point. Maybe it's because I'm a guy but wouldn't any woman take being dumped for someone like Catherine Zeta Jones better than being dumped for say, Helen Thomas? She couldn't have spent much time whining to her friends, "he dumped me for that hag?"

I quit reading Modo years ago, before the Times shot themselves in the foot by putting all their columnists behind the wall. See no reason to go back unless someone points me to the odd Krugman column. Lately he's spent so much time out of his element flailing at Obama there's little reason to read him these days. I'm no more interested in an economist's take on politics than I am in the Joint Chiefs' views on the latest movies. Once he goes back to writing about economics maybe I will.

[markg8]

"In fact, Michael Douglas allegedly dumped her for Catherine Zeta Jones (which, admittedly, would be enough to make any woman bitter)."

I don't get this point. Maybe it's because I'm a guy but wouldn't any woman take being dumped for someone like Catherine Zeta Jones better than being dumped for say, Helen Thomas? She couldn't have spent much time whining to her friends, "he dumped me for that hag?"

I quit reading Modo years ago, before the Times shot themselves in the foot by putting all their columnists behind the wall. See no reason to go back unless someone points me to the odd Krugman column. Lately he's spent so much time out of his element flailing at Obama there's little reason to read him these days. I'm no more interested in an economist's take on politics than I am in the Joint Chiefs' views on the latest movies. Once he goes back to writing about economics maybe I will.

[Measure for Measure]

FYI for markg8:
In today's Krugman column (to take a handy example), he evaluates Obama's much-amplified bitter remark, and compares it to the latest research. This is well within his skill set.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/18/opinion/18krugman.html

...and Krugman's blog contains a higher share of wonky stuff.
http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/
---

I don't read Dowd's column either. Oddly enough, I seem to recall that her reporting during the 1980s wasn't too bad. Maybe that was a different M. Dowd.

[Algernon]

I loathe Dowd's work as well, but your portrayal of it oversimplifies things. She's been completely contemptuous toward the Bush administration and was one of the only "establishment" types to be suspicious of the Iraq war BS from the start. She really does bash both sides. The difference is that her criticism of Republicans is usually based somewhat on issues, while her criticisms of Dems are NEVER based on issues and always on shallow, trivial, personality stuff. This problem is most evident with Dowd, but can be found in much of the media.

[C.S.]

"Or trading you in for a prettier, decades-younger model."

Well, yeah, but Catherine Zeta-Jones is also a better actor than Dowd is a writer, as one viewing of "Traffic" will show you. So there's that to be bitter about, too.

[markg8]

Measure for Measure thanks for the links. There's lots of reasons why middle class and poorer rural and small town folks vote the way they do. Some of which Obama is right about no matter how inartfully he admitted saying it and some Krugman gets right. But all was not roses in the heartland in the 1990s anymore than it is in 2000s. What prosperity there was has and had more to do with huge government price supports for farm products that waste dollars, distort trade policy and hurt farmers in poorer countries. Bill Clinton had very little to do with that other than signing these subsidy bills juts like every president since Nixon.

[RAM]

"My point in mentioning this is that rather than feminism, a far likelier cause for Modo's singleness seems to be her dating pool."

It's not the size of the pool; its Doud. Period. Writers bare their souls, whether they think they're doing it or not. And her's is black as night. It gives me the willies just thinking about waking up next to that harridan in the morning. Why anyone would want to have anything to do with her is beyond me.

[Mo MoDo]

This Dowd as deranged spinster meme is the most shallow and offensive take on her around. A lot of people don't agree with her, but I find her columns witty and incisive. They may seem shallow at times, but perhaps that's because her subjects are.

[bystander]

Great column, Kathy. You've tacked her ass to the wall with a nail gun. Really, of all the people to be obsessed with bitter... Maureen, you need look no further than your mirror.

[anna shane]

I don't like the way Maureen has been promoting "Bambi" and knocking down Hillary but for a girl who dislikes gossip, you sure know how to dish it out!!! You make the assumption that Maureen should have been trying to please your friend by paying attention to his preferences? Why would he date a reporter/columnist if he disliked gossip? And why should she kiss up to a blind date? She's not bitter, she writes her opinions and she gets a ton of hate mail and she keeps going. In a weird way I respect her as much as Hillary, they're both powerful women who guys get crushes on and who get hate mail. I loved her "Bambi" column, even though she likes him, she called it like she saw it. I don't like her pot shots at Hillary, but I like Maureen for being a female voice in a man's world.

[KC]

Nailed it or her or something.

[daveygodigaditch]

anyone send this post to the beloved MoDo?

[Radiowalla]

OMG! I think I've found blog heaven. This is one of the best posts I've read in ages.

Thank you!